Love Reln

Every time you approach certain subjects, it turns into an argument. In the back of your mind, you decide to avoid that topic in the future because you don't want to fight. You don't want the conflict. You believe fighting means the relationship is on rocky ground or is threatening to the relationship. You want to stay together, but believe if you fight, you might separate. So you become afraid to talk about one or two subjects. Over time, that list of "don't touch that one" becomes more and more numerous. And as the list of avoided topics grows, it starts to feel like you can't talk with each other anymore. You feel distant and detached. You start wondering how much longer you can live like this. The silence grows.

~Do your expectations have to be fulfilled for you to be happy? If so, why?
~Do you expect your partner to conform to your wants? What does it mean when they don't?
~Do you have preset rules in your love relationships? If so, what are they and why?
~Do you find yourself often saying “he should” or “she should”?
~Can you think of a time you didn't do what someone wanted you to do? Did you love them, even though you didn't do what they wanted? Could it be the same with your partner?
~Understand everyone has different wants, desires, and beliefs about what it means to be loving.

Basic Components of Love:

- Love is Accepting.
Acceptance is labeling someone as "okay" and having no particular desire to change them. Who they are is perfectly fine with you. You pose no condition on whether you will love them or not. This is call unconditional love. When your love IS conditional, the moment they step outside your set of conditions, love evaporates.

- Love is Appreciating.
Appreciation is one step beyond acceptance. Its when your focus is on what you like about another. We look at them and feel this sweeping appreciation for who they are, their joy, their insights, their humor, their companionship, etc. When someone says they are "in love" with another, they mean their appreciation is so enormous for this person that it consumes their every thought.

- Love is Wanting Another to Feel Good.
We want those we love to be happy, safe, healthy, and fulfilled. We want them to feel good in all ways, physically, mentally and emotionally.


What YOU can do to improve your relationships:

Talk with your partner openly and honestly.
Don't sacrifice yourself for the relationship.
Take responsibility for your feelings.
Know you can only change yourself.
Be yourself always.
Know your intentions behind your words.
Communicate your wants and needs to your partner.
Accept them as they are.
Let go of absolute value judgments.
Drop your expectations of how they "should" be.
Listen with your whole body, mind and soul.
Express your appreciation and gratitude openly and often.
Examine your beliefs about love relationships.
Use humor to defuse difficult situations.
Examine your desire to control your partner.
Have a dialogue about your beliefs.

By Tiffany